See, when I was a child and then a teenager I didn't like the fact that I'm a girl! I just hated it...I was always into Football (soccer) and I'm still actually, had a short hair cut, and acted as the big brother ..
When I was 14 years old, I loved a girl and she loved me back but at that time we weren't aware of the terms homosexuals, lesbians, etc...
Just loved her, so once I felt like kissin her when she was at my room and I did. Then, Mom came in and she was in SHOCK .. SERIOUSLY..
Then she punished me in different ways especially keepin me away from my beloved girl ..
Since then, I haven't been with a GF and I thought I became straight but actually I haven't coz women still get my attention.
2 months ago I met this lesbian girl who I liked. I told her that I have a crush on her and everything went ok. But then she knew that I'll get engaged or somethin like that and she told me that she can't get with someone who plans to be in a relationship with another person one day sonly... and I accepted her decision although she couldn't accept my desire to be with her with the fact that I wana get married coz I wana be a mom and that my family isn't liberal and secular enough to accept the fact that I'm a LESIBAN or that I'm into girls not guys..
I'm just totally destroyed and sad... Can't really get over it coz I love her, feel attached to her ..
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9 comments:
You shouldn't be sad. Being in love is a wonderful feeling.
Of course it's a bit of an issue trying to fit together your desire to be a mom and the fact that you're a lesbian.
But before breaking up with your girl friend, you two should talk. And you should give it a try.
You're young. You don't have to have a child like NOW ! Work out your relationship and see if it grows. Time is a wonderful healer. Maybe with the time bith of you will come to a common point of view on maternity. You know, this kind of issue happens sometimes also with "straight" couples.
The other issue is of course your family. It can be hard at the beginning but, if they really love you (wich I'm sure of) they'll always love you as you are and not as they wish you were.
Don't give up. Love is the most precious and rare thing on earth.
Read you soon,
JM
We talked and she made her decision and I told her that I have nothing to do except respecting it. She just can't be involved with someone who may leave her 1day because of kids. I don't want kids NOW, it's just a feeling I'm expressing; a desire. Another problem is that I can't be attached to someone, can't promise to live with her forever coz I wana travel finish my master in Europe etc.. I don't want to settle down sonly, but to move around sonly and i don't know where I'll end up.
My family is cool although it's really too complicated to them to accept the fact that their daughter isn't a 'heterosexual'
:'(
If you don't go into a relationship because you don't know if you can stay involved forever, you'll never have a relationship !
I totally understand what you feel. If she doesn't feel comfortable with the situation... If she's gone, she's gone. But for the future you should think that a relationship is not a goal. It's a travel you begin with someone you love and you care about. And when the journey begins, you don't know where it'll end up. But that's the journey that is important, not the goal. That's my philosophie about relationships and life in general.
If there's love, it's always worth giving a shot. Well, that's my opinion.
I like this saying: "If you risk it, you might loose a little. But if you don't risk it, you'll loose everything".
About your family, don't worry about it. Just do your things, your studies, your "moving around", and eventually you'll find the right time for them to know. Don't rush. Live your life.
Do you already have an idea where in europe you want to do your master ? What do you study by the way ?
JM
Hi Sumerian Girl,
Only love can mend a broken heart,
and your heart will be broken once or twice more in this lifetime. But you will find another grand-or-big love along your life's journey and be healed.
Our next door neighbor is a lesbian. She is only a little older than you. Her first girlfriend died of brain cancer, she of course was devastated, but she did her grieving, moved on, and found another lover.
She was kissing her girlfriend outside the other day. In Iraq, that would get you the Death Penalty.
After reading your post, it's possible that you may be bisexual,
rather than a full lesbian - that may explain your conflicted feelings and future desire for a child.
But you are such a sweet girl, I think that things will work out for you.
Take Care.
Mister Ghost
Hi Sumerian Girl once anew,
I strongly believe in reincarnation, and I sense that in a past life, I was a Lesbian, who worked in a bar as a barmaid.
So, it's made me more sensitive to women and their feelings in this lifetime.
It's possible that we incarnate over various lifetimes as both males and females, and the people we have relationships with, we meet them during the different lifetimes, but in different forms.
Any ways Sumerian Girl, I know your heart will eventually be healed...
I see what you're trying to say. The people who have to listen to wat u're sayin are those who I had, have, will have love relationships with.. coz I understand coz they wana someone will will have no plans to go away and promise to stay with them. and i can't offer that coz i'll be otherwise lieing on them.
I study English literature and I'm planning to go to london or Spain.
dear Mr. Ghost
thx for being around ..
see I think that I'm a bi too but it's hard to define that coz i've not had any sexual relationship with a guy yet.
we have lesbians in iraq, we even had a lesbian godess before 3 thousands years which means before all those modern lesbian modern movenments :)
we have all those masculine women who sit in the men places with men and act manly although they aren't men and dressed up in a full black dress and scarf .. and men treat them as men "sisters of men"!
but i dnt think that me kissing a girl in public will be something OK .. not now .. maybe before .. but they won't kill me if i'm in a city like karkuk for example ..
that will surprise u: gays are much more free than lesbians in iraq! we have a long history 'especially during the islamic abbasian empire' of rulers lovin to f**k gays or those feminine soft young guys ..
we even have gay music and gay poetry and literature ..
isn't iraq cool ;)
Hi Sumerian Girl,
I hope you never let Iraq and its mores or morals get you down. I tend to think, that there are some people who are just born, grow up in the wrong culture - and they have to spread their wings, leave their society for another, to find their true freedoms or love.
And you know you are in love, when you think of your partner, and your heart feels so light, so free, you have a sense of elation, of joy, that you find yourself giggling for no reason.
Despite being 7,000 miles away, I sense you have a gentle heart and a kind soul, so I have great faith things will work out for you.
hi Mr. Ghost ..
isn't interesting that we're writing in the blog at the same time ;)
who knows? we may meet oneday :)
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