What does it mean to be a homosexual?

See, when I was a child and then a teenager I didn't like the fact that I'm a girl! I just hated it...I was always into Football (soccer) and I'm still actually, had a short hair cut, and acted as the big brother ..
When I was 14 years old, I loved a girl and she loved me back but at that time we weren't aware of the terms homosexuals, lesbians, etc...
Just loved her, so once I felt like kissin her when she was at my room and I did. Then, Mom came in and she was in SHOCK .. SERIOUSLY..
Then she punished me in different ways especially keepin me away from my beloved girl ..

Since then, I haven't been with a GF and I thought I became straight but actually I haven't coz women still get my attention.
2 months ago I met this lesbian girl who I liked. I told her that I have a crush on her and everything went ok. But then she knew that I'll get engaged or somethin like that and she told me that she can't get with someone who plans to be in a relationship with another person one day sonly... and I accepted her decision although she couldn't accept my desire to be with her with the fact that I wana get married coz I wana be a mom and that my family isn't liberal and secular enough to accept the fact that I'm a LESIBAN or that I'm into girls not guys..

I'm just totally destroyed and sad... Can't really get over it coz I love her, feel attached to her ..